14months

My sweet Koa,

You do this thing where you come really close, putting your face right in front /or next to my face and give kisses or nose kisses (my fave!) or just face hugs, and you climb onto my lap bringing a book you want me to read over and over again. And sometimes you walk up to me, bend over so your face looks up at me and you ask in the sweetest voice “ah?”. 

You “talk”, with intonation and inflection just not words in the German/English sense. You can and have said Mama, Koa, ja, yes, da. But mostly you just use sounds.

You loooove food! You don’t like peas (downright hate em!) bananas or puréed meat (I don’t blame you), but you love teewurst and wiener and cottage cheese and yoghurt and pears !

Britney just gave us a bunch of milk for you and I’m grateful!

I’ve started to do more self-care, reading!! Hanging out at a cafe, writing letters, I go to bed when you do!

I’m on my way to pick you up so I’ll finish up. Just know that you are loved beyond words! 

❤️

We are a family.

Koa,

My sweet little bear.

I had hoped and prayed for a baby and from the moment I knew I was pregnant, you were loved and wanted and awaited with great anticipation. Every day that we get to be your parents, we learn from you. You have the sweetest, most loving personality. You have such joy, and I truly believe that you chose us as your parents.

Koa, when your papa and I fell in love we believed we could find a home in each other and stay together for the rest of our lives; we hoped that our love for each other would be enough to grow stronger together and  bridge our two cultures.

We will always have love for each other, but presently, we work better as your parents living apart.

Koa, my sweet baby, even though we are not a family that lives together, you will always be our little bear, our child, loved beyond what words can express. We carry you in us and we are with you, no matter how much you grow or how old you get or how far away you’ll travel or where and whom you will build your own family with.

We will both be there for you.

When you were just a little blueberry and we went looking for your name, we chose the name of the tree that we know has the strongest roots, the most beautiful golden grain and flexible wood. The Koa. It rests on Maui, in the islands of Hawai’i. The native islanders used it to build their canoes to go far and their houses to last. You are our little tree bear and you will always be our Koa.

You will always have a home in us. You will always be loved. ❤

Your Mama and Papa.

 

13 months

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You LOVE balloons. You love hide and seek and tag (well your versions of it anyway). You point at EVERYTHING and when you talk, it almost sounds like real sentences. You love your mama and don’t want her gone even for  a second. You like playing with balls and you are happy to share (your food, your toys). We are currently in Germany visiting your Oma and Opa.

ONE

Happy first Birthday, Koa Bear. 

What can I say. This is a bittersweet moment. I want to say something more meaningful, something that matters, but I’m falling short. Wasn’t it only a day ago that I felt your bootie stick out of my belly and felt your little feet kicking? And just an hour ago that I woke up wondering if these are contractions? And a minute ago that I held you for the first time thinking “So *you* are my baby? Are you my Koa? I had no idea you looked like that!” And “I can’t believe I actually have a baby!” 

I clearly remember these first few weeks being up with you in the stillness of the night, pumping milk in the glow of the Christmas lights that were decorating our living room, listening to podcast after podcast. 

It’s like time stood still for a moment. And then time sped up, you grew and grew and started smiling and giggling and laughing and moving around and being a mom got easier and before I knew it you were rolling over and scooting and crawling and standing and walking. And squeeling and babbling and saying Ya-ya-ya-ya-ya. 

And the sun came up every day and set every night and life happened and we travelled to Germany and I went back to work and we moved and you started daycare and there are wars being waged and you had your first cold and then another and a couple accidents and you met your other grandpa for the first time and then he died and you met some of your family at his memorial and you drummed on the big drum and then Voldemort got elected President and we joined Dumbledore’s army. More wars being waged. At home and far away. And you are exploring and learning. 

And without realizing it, my love for you has grown and grown and grown to where my heart might burst just thinking about you. 

You have the sweetest personality and you’ve shown it to us from the day you were born. Your papa fittingly calls you adventure bear. And I call you Spätzchen. My sweetest bear, my smartest bear, funniest bear, my littlest bear. 

We are both very proud of you. Happy Birthday, Koa Reed Corbett.


– your Mama
*The photos. You get what you get. No cheating. We’ll do this every year, little bear. ❤️